Embody You : STEP Into Your Authentic Expression

“She remembered who she was and the game changed.” Lalah Deliah

When something is authentic, it is real, true, and genuine.  

I see authenticity as having the courage to be yourself in every situation.

What is your authentic expression?

The ability to speak your truth. Feeling worthy and empowered to say what’s really happening for you and expressing your ideas, thoughts, and inspirations freely.

I will begin this blog with asking you a few questions only you know the answer to. Take a deep breath and feel what happens in your body when I ask these questions. The goal is to be completely honest with yourself. This is the place to start when it comes to reclaiming your authenticity and your voice.

Who are you really when no one is around? When no one is looking? Who are you when you are not concerned about what other people think? Can you be yourself in any situation with every person that enters your life , family, friends, co-workers?

What are your deepest desires, dreams, and passions?

How do you truly feel about those closest to you?

Are you creating an identity around what other people think of you?

Do you people please to avoid conflict?

Do you shape shift, energy match?

Are you able to speak your truth, say whatever is on your mind without hesitating? 

Or are you holding back?

Only you know the answer to these questions.

My intention is to share my own personal journey to inspire and awaken your own quest and curiosity into taking the risk of rediscovering who you really are, and find the courage to speak your truth. Be the person you know your destined of being.

The courage to be and EMBODY YOU! 

When I was 28 years old I found myself sitting in yet another rehab thinking my life was over.  I had no idea who I was or what I was going to do with my life. In walked this shamanic practitioner with his flute. He took a seat and stared at us in silence for about twenty minutes. The stillness was a bit unsettling yet there was something about his presence that was powerful the way he walked in with confidence to be himself without even saying a word. After a long period of silence, he gave us a list of twenty random words. He said pick three words that you want more of in your life, that you haven’t experienced. Even if it sounds crazy or impossible pick 3 words that sound like yes I want more of that in my life . The three words I picked were FREEDOM, INDEPENDENCE and AUTHENTICITY. All three words seemed far fetched from the reality I was sitting in . 

Especially the word AUTHENTICITY. 

I remember looking at that word thinking wow that would be nice.  What does that even look like? What would it be like to really be me? Who am I really? Would others even like the real me, if I showed them who I really was? I had the voice in the back of my head yeah right … the real me is unloveable, no one would like her.

I reflected on where I was holding myself back and the relationships I had in my life. This was a time in my life where I was dishonest with myself so how could I be honest with the rest of the world?  If I dated you I would be whatever you wanted me to be as long as you stayed in a relationship with me. Obviously a relationship like that doesn’t last long …  they all eventually blew up in my face . With my family I seemed to be the scape goat . Since I was the one with an “addiction” it was usually Trish’s fault . My authentic self really wanted to speak up and say, “you guys are just as sick or sicker than me . I’m done being your fall girl . How about you take a look at yourselves for a change and maybe have some compassion why I even ended up in this seat in the first place.” Of course it took some time to come into my voice around my family once I was able to gain sobriety and align to power source greater than me . As for work .. I knew I was going to need a career change if I ever wanted to be Authentic. The amount of shame I had around unhealthy coping mechanisms and putting on a mask to go teach elementary school was no longer in the cards for me with my history. 

So how the heck did I go from that disempowered state to where I am today? Living in my authentic expression, independent, and free . The words that once seemed like an impossibility are now my reality today. By the grace of the universe and some intense discipline and healing there was a way to finding and embodying the real me in every situation today.

Step 1: Form a relationship with yourself

I asked myself who was I when I’m alone? When no one is looking ? When I am free to be me? Who am I really ? 

My point is I had to get in touch with me . Date myself . Make myself a priority.  Learn to love myself and take care of myself. I learned to stop blaming the world around me and started taking radical responsibility for my life. 

I learned to love life and discovered how each and every moment is a gift. I could either be a victim to my reality and continue to make unhealthy choices for myself or make a decision to look at the bright side and be the best me I can be each day. Once I met my own needs and prioritized healing before anything else, the real me started to blossom and sprout out of the ground. To this day I continue to nurture her, protect her, pour unconditional love into the brilliance that is me.

Step 2:  Speak your truth and release toxic relationships. 

Let go of what is no longer working. If you have to hide who you really are for others to like you … it just ain’t going to work. PERIOD. The universe will throw some kind of situation to make you learn the hard way if you aren’t able to bring awareness to the toxicity yourself . Sadly the people we are most afraid to speak our truth to are usually the people closest to us . Family , friends , relationships , and co-workers.  Many of us grew up in an environment where we had expectations, belief systems, obligations , religious values , our family or community projected onto us . We will continue to have this projected onto us our entire life until we do something about it, take a risk.

I asked myself these questions and now I will ask you.

Who are you really without these expectations , conditioning, and projections? What would it be like to take some time and space to find out who you really are without these rule sets placed on you? What would it be like to speak up for yourself, take a risk and say your truth to those closest to you?

Even if it’s like, “ No mom I don’t want to see your family for the holidays, it’s not fun for me, I’m going to do my own thing.”  Without taking on the burden, guilt, or shame that there is something wrong with you for doing what you really want to do.

Many of us hold back expressing how we truly feel. Why, I’ll tell you why?

Fear of rejection

Fear of being alone 

Fear of conflict 

Fear of change

Fear of consequences

FEAR. 

These fears typically stop someone from stepping into their authentic expression. Notice where in your life these fears pop up . This is the work to bring awareness when the fear comes up notice when you put on a “mask” and abandon what you truly want to placate to another’s needs before your own.

When I was 6 months sober the first people I established boundaries with was my family. I owed it to myself to truly heal and protect my sobriety. I told each family member I needed space to discover who I really was. I gave myself about 5 months away and not in communication with my family.  I lived in a yogis house for 6 months and even changed my name … a bit extreme I know but i needed it . It was a beautiful gift I gave myself. Advocating for myself, and taking space. I’m not saying you have to be as extreme as me moving away and changing your name but I urge you to do that thing you know deep down would help you rediscover who you really are without placating to the demands of the outside world.

Taking the risk to take space was the best decision I ever made. I have a wonderful relationship with each family member today. Yes there was some conflict, yes feelings got hurt and yes it was scary to set boundaries. I had speak my truth and untangle the belief system that it is selfish to put myself first . As soon as I did that I was able to redefine my closest relationships.  The space and time allowed me to truly love, honor, and rediscover who I was at a core level. I made a decision to never abandon myself again and taught those closest how to treat me if they want to be in connection. My intention isn’t to blame anyone. We are all doing the best we can with the information and upbringing we had. Yet it’s up to us to initiate and make a change. By doing what is true for you, and putting your needs first , those who really love you will understand and come back to your life with honor and not disrespect.

Step 3: Notice where you abandon and betray yourself.

Scan over where you abandon your needs and desires in order to stay in connection with others.

For example, I noticed I was least authentic with the men I dated . I was unconscious to the abandonment wound from childhood I carried and looked for a man outside of me for fulfillment, meaning, and vibrancy. Which meant, I will abandon who I am if you will stay in connection with me . It’s utterly gut wrenching to think of how much I abandoned myself to be the thing I thought would keep you or whoever in a relationship with me . The ways I gave myself away, including my sacred body to feel loved and validated. That’s a long story and it will need to go in another blog . I think you get my point . So I made a decision. I will never abandon me again. Not for anyone or anything.

The key. BE YOU.  In every situation. If they don’t accept you, feel your sadness and let them go. Easier said then done. I know. Yet its better to be alone with your true self then continue to be with others who don’t accept you and can’t be your true self around. I promise once you find your true self, your tribe and like minded souls will find you and be attracted to your realness. 

So I ask you, what is stopping you from being yourself?

When you have the courage to be you. You embody an invitation . An invitation for others to embrace who they really are as well. Authenticity is contagious. It also can trigger those around you who are not living authentic lives. Spend time alone with yourself. Give yourself time and space to tune into your inner being. Who are you really when you let go of caring about how the outside world perceives you? Most of all learn to speak your truth in every situation.

My intention is to support you coming into your authentic expression. Your truth your power and your voice. Many of us are moving out of the pattern of holding to protect others from having an emotional reaction. This is brave. How others react to your truth is not your responsibility. It is your responsibility how you self regulate and nurture and care for the one who is brave enough to stand in his or her authentic expression.

Below is an invitation and writing exercise to help integrate the mind and emotional body with your spirit. This exercise is intended to free yourself up and create space for you to express your truth more confidently.

Step Into Your Authentic Expression Writing Exercise:

If it feels right to you write out a letter to a few important people in your life where you held back your truth. Your not going to actually send or read the letter to them this is for you to express your truth. Express the emotions you hold that you feel would be to painful for them to hear. Really express the times you may have felt disempowered. 

I recommend starting with family members. They are the people we learned to develop these deep patterns of holding back our truth to keep ourselves safe. Then you can go on to friends, lovers, jobs.  I challenge you to scan over even the positive relationship in your life. Is there anything deep down you hold back from expressing to protect them, or protect yourself from their reaction?

Now you have the opportunity to say the things you repressed . You can burn the letters and have a release ceremony. Let this be your outlet. Let your higher self guide you through this process. Suppressed emotions may come up during this process. This means you are moving the energy you once held in your body.

Let it flow. Witness each emotion. Be your own observer. 

Just know when you are releasing this deeply, physical and spiritual detox may come up. This is your body releasing the stuck energy. Also Tests may come up / opportunities to perform a real life action and speak your truth. It is your spirit telling you its time to step into a new timeline if your willing to do something different and step into your authentic expression.