Inner Child Healing Finding Safety Within
I’ve had to overcome many adversities in my life. Fully recovering from addiction and being placed on medications at a young age. I was misdiagnosed with mental health diagnoses such as bi polar, anxiety and depression. These diagnoses were just symptoms of a deeply rooted issue. A disconnection from my spirit and a severely emotionally wounded inner child.
I experienced emotional neglect when I was young and later on in life I manifested romantic partners that played out my inner woundings until I was brave enough to be alone with myself, and feel the intense heartache.
I had an old belief system that was infiltrating my present life. A fear everything I love gets taken away.
I believe we all have belief systems that were created from deeply embedded fear or event that happened when we were young and this belief/ story lives in our subconscious mind until we shed the light of awareness onto it.
It’s usually the thing you did not receive when you were young.
The belief in time turns into an equation, a lens we see and filter our reality through.
For me, my equation for love was it will be taken away from me.
Love = abandonment or Love = everyone leaves.
If you trace back to your childhood what is the equation that love equaled for you?
What did your caretakers model to you? What did you need when you were young? Attention? basic survival food shelter? Safety? consistency? Connection? A sense of belonging? Someone to listen to you? Calmness?
Along my own journey and what I’ve observed with others and clients I coach, if we don’t go to the source of our wounding then we will continue to filter this equation throughout our entire life. If I didn’t go to the source of my inner child wounding I would of continued to create unconscious dramas and situations where someone I love leaves. We continue to manifest our unconscious until we are willing to be brave enough to face it and make the decision to no longer want to run the pattern.
The key to inner child healing is bringing conscious awareness to the source of your pain.
If we dive deeper into it, the pattern or equation for love not only ran in your life but most likely played out in your parents lives , and the previous generation. Are you willing to be the one brave enough to heal your lineage and break the chain?
In order to no longer run this pattern one must be willing to be brutally honest with themselves and look at some deep painful truths. Then we can make the decision to announce “I no longer want to run this pattern.” One must take radical self responsibility and do something different. We must catch ourselves, notice our thought patterns, our actions, scan your environment and notice and ask yourself,” where am I running this pattern? Am I truly ready to move into a new reality for myself?
The honest truth is being human is heartbreaking. You my dear signed up for this on soul level and not one of us is getting out of this reality alive without getting our heartbroken a few times the very least.
So what are we supposed to do be completely closed off from love? Create a wall and outer layer to protect us? In many cases we unconsciously create heart walls once we receive our first heartbreak. The first heartbreak usually comes from our parents . As children we idolize our parents and put them on a pedestal as gods. What happens when you put someone on pedastool? The fantasy will be smashed and they will eventually disappoint you. Even if you are the “perfect” conscious parent you will make mistakes and break your child’s heart. My intention is not to blame by writing this but to bring conscious awareness around our behaviors and patterns. Our unconscious patterns that stem from a wounded inner child.
The planet needs our hearts open now more than ever. How do we open our hearts in a heart breaking world? Be brave, become the source of your own love. Give yourself what you needed when you were young. This is where we hear the term be thrown around “heal your inner child.”
I’m sorry to break it to you there is no quick and easy fix to healing your inner child. It’s about acknowledging the parts of yourself that were wounded and giving it your awareness, love and attention.
There was a period in my healing journey where I felt like I did enough inner child work. I felt I had processed my childhood over and over and every time someone would say give your inner child some attention I would get a bit annoyed.
Someone wise once told me inner child work is a bit like having knee surgery. You reached a point where having an injury is getting in the way of your daily life. You make the decision to address the issue and have the surgery. Surgery leaves a scar but you can go back to life without the pain taking you out. Sometimes the scar will flare up but you are aware it is there and it no longer takes you out the way your knees did when you avoided the surgery.
Inner child healing is being aware and able to love the hurt parts of ourselves unconditionally. Not judge the emotions as they arise or wish for it to go away when a trigger flares up. Our triggers are full of information and opportunities for us to know ourselves. The more we are aware of the parts of ourselves that need conscious awareness love and healing the greater we can connect with the world around us and the deeper the connection you will have with loved ones. You start to become intuitive and are aware of what may happening for others when they are emotionally triggered. You learn how to hold space for another because you can hold space for yourself and your innocence without judgement.
How do you know if your inner child needs love and support?
First question do you ever get triggered? Does the trigger dominate your thoughts at times and you feel an emotional overwhelm?
Are there people, places or things that throw you off your center and emotionally destabilize you?
If the answer is yes… there is most likely a hurt inner child at the source of that trigger.
Have you ever watched two grown adults in a relationship argue? If you look at them long enough they start to look and act very childlike.
Every child has needs. Children depend on their caretakers not only for physical needs, a safe living environment, food but also emotional needs.
Do you feel your emotional needs were met as a child? Scan over your relationships today. You’re relationships are full of information and can tell you if you are still attempting to get your emotional needs met. The needs you had throughout childhood.
Many of our behaviors, triggers, patterns, thoughts and mental disorders and illnesses in the present can be solved by exploring and connecting with our inner child.
Giving the innocence inside of us time and attention is a healing experience for our souls. Every time we do something loving for ourselves we begin showing ourselves we are worthy and deserving of love, time and attention.
As an empowered adult you don’t have to rely on the external to take care of you. You know how to nurture and take care of yourself best. The more you honor yourself, your peace, your body the more you will heal and learn to trust yourself.
The Gifts Of Inner Child Healing
Emotionally balanced and centered
Healthy relationship dynamics
Able to manifest a life you feel deserving of
A sense of completeness when you are alone
Attract healthy emotionally available partners
Strong boundaries and high self worth
Confident and Authentic
Sense of safety within oneself
Know how to navigate high stress situations
Early is this blog I mentioned my old equation for love
Love= abandonment.
When I got to the root of my pain and was willing to feel my fear of abandonment, feel the emptiness I felt inside. I started giving myself unconditional love and put myself first. As I healed my heart my self worth grew and I felt deserving of being in a relationship that was transparent, had strong communication and I also wanted a partner who was also self aware. I had neutrality around when my partner would come in and was able to trust the right man will come when the timing was right because I was willing to do my own work. When I least expected it I manifested the most amazing partner who is a somatic therapist and extremely self aware. He had been on his healing journey longer than I had . My point is my vibration switched once I was willing to form a relationship and heal my inner child. He was nothing like the men I used to attract into my life and I was no longer running patterns of everyone I love leaves. I realized the only one who can truly abandon me is me abandoning myself. My delusion around this belief and lens was smashed. Once I came home to myself I would never abandon myself for man or someone else ever again. Once I made myself a priority the universe delivered .
Not only did my romantic relationships heal but all the relationships in my life were transforming. Friends that were toxic I no longer allowed in my life because when you honor and respect yourself and start to create boundaries the right people will honor those boundaries and toxic relationships will be shown to you and naturally fall off. This even goes with family members. Some of our deepest pains come from the family unit we were raised in . It is important to teach your family and those closest to you how to treat you.
The key is to no longer betray yourself in order to stay in connection with people in your life.
When you don’t betray yourself people can come in and out of your life. Yes it is painful if they choose to leave but you always have yourself when you are willing to become the source of your own love and give yourself what you always needs and craved from the external world around you.
Signs I Need To Heal My inner Child?
Codependent patterns
Weak boundaries
Victim to your reality
Struggling to manifest
Low self worth
Addiction
Fearful
Afraid to speak your truth
Guilt and shame
People pleaser
Lacks a strong identity
Perfectionist
Distrust of the world
Avoids conflict
Struggle saying “no”
Defensive
Overreactive
How To Begin Your Inner Child Healing Journey
1. Good Self Care
Good self care means showing up for ourselves. This helps us feel balanced and nourished in the present moment when we learn to regulate our own energy. Good self care includes being able to feel when we are tired, sad, lonely, angry, hungry, fearful, etc.
It helps us be in tune with our bodies and own core. It also includes asking for help directly.
Self care honors your own inner child. Noticing what your inner child needs and arranging for those needs to be met.
2. Daily Rituals
Mornings pages when you wake up brain dump
No phone for an hour when you wake up and before you go to bed
Drink Lots of water
Meditation or breath work
Yoga , walk, exercise
Sacred naps, honoring my body when I feel tired
Nourishing my body with healthy delicious foods
Cook meals for yourself
Track your mood
Go out in nature
Keep your space clean
Dress up for You
Weekly/ Monthly Ritual
Find a space in your house to clean out / declutter
Take Yourself on a date
Find a new recipe to cook for yourself
Exercising 3-6 times a week
Self care treat ( massage, trip, shopping, float tank)
What was my overall theme this month?
3. Get Support
Find a therapist, coach, facilitator, someone you trust to share what happened to you in childhood. It helps to be witnessed and seen in your pain and no longer be alone in it.
If you feel willing and brave enough to begin your inner child healing journey and don’t know where to begin feel free to email or message me. I offer one on one coaching sessions in a loving nursing container for you to feel fully seen, heard, and safe enough to reclaim parts of yourself. I create a space I would of wanted in the beginning of my healing journey.
The healing journey starts with you finding the love within.
