My Story
Early Years
I grew up in Encinitas , CA a small little surf and beach community.
Growing up was not easy, is an understatement. I lived in a web of chaos, drama and family lies.
Life was emotionally painful for me from the beginning. I grew up in chaotic family environment. Often I found myself in the middle of some kind of drama with my parents. My sister and I spent a year with a foster family do to hostilities in our home. My parents battled addiction and mental health issues.
When I was seven my sister and I were sent to live with a woman in Encinitas. She was given legal custody of my sister and I and became my second mom. From the age of 7 to 16 we were in the middle of intense custody battles over who could raise us.
Regular visits to the therapists office, child attorney offices became a norm.
I was never in touch with my own feelings. I lived in survival mode trying to please each parent and help them cope from having emotional overwhelm.
I was conditioned to hold my needs and my truth, put a smile on my face and say what you wanted me to say to keep the peace. Intense feelings of adrenaline and terror racing through my body became my baseline.
Due to the immense anxiety, terror, and depression I was trying to process on my own at the age of 10 I was put on ADHD , antidepressants and sleep prescription medications. My teachers said I had a learning disability. In reality it was PTSD I was not able to concentrate in class when there was so much chaos going on at home. I had a deep seeded belief I was stupid and needed extra care and attention. The medications numbed my feelings and I grew further away from myself and my truth.
When I was 15 I discovered traumatic news that my father was not my real dad , and I was lied to the majority of my life. It was betrayal and after this I felt I could not trust you or the world if I could not trust my own care takers.
University of Arizona, B.A in Elementary Education
Later on I went to the University of Arizona and excelled in school. I was able to prove to myself that I am intelligent and loved to write and study curriculum that captivated me. I majored in Elementary Education and graduated in 2011 with a teaching credential in the state of Arizona. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for children especially those who grew up in rather rough conditions such as myself. I spent hundreds of hours working with children, in summer camps, tutoring, student teaching fourth grade and teaching grades K -6 in classroom environments. I substitute taught in Encinitas and Del Mar, California once I graduated.
Addiction
In 2012 I reached my breaking point. Though I excelled in school I never had a chance to process the emotional and psychological trauma I endured at a young age. I was battling severe anxiety and depression and the medication was not helping me. I started self medicating and abusing the prescription medications. Once those ran out I turned to opiates to soothe the pain. I tried my best to carry on a facade and mask that I was okay but I was dying on the inside. One day I cracked it all became to much. I admitted to my family I had a problem and sought treatment. I was 24 years old and thought my life was over. Unfortunately rehab introduced me to all kinds of characters. As an energetically sensitive person with no sense of identity and core abandonment issues I dug myself into a deeper hole. I learned about drugs I had never been exposed to such as heroin and jumped into red flag relationships with addicted emotionally unavailable men.
A Miracle. My Near Death Experience
In 2012 I had my first near death experience. My body was found near a hospital and I was not breathing. I had overdosed on heroin and the guy I was dating left me to die on a street corner. A good samaritan carried my body to the hospital . I had no heart beat. The doctors tried to resuscitate me. On the third try they were able to get a heart beat, but I had to be put on a breathing tube and was in a coma. The doctor warned my family I was most likely brain dead because my heart was not beating for an unknown amount of time. My family came to pray, mourn and say their goodbyes to me. On the 5th day a miracle happened and I regained consciousness to the point I pulled the breathing tube out of my own mouth.
Even though I was a walking miracle the unprocessed pain and shadow from my past still haunted me . I slipped into an even deeper depression. A few months later I went back on the run with dangerous men and drugs. I was in and out of rehabs 15 times between the years 2012- 2017. In this time I made frequent visits to the ER and ambulances coming up my street was not a shock to the neighbors. I can’t count on one hand the number of close calls I’ve had from overdoses.
I was put on a large quantity of medications and anti psychotics. I saw the countries top addiction specialists and therapists but nothing seemed to work. I was a ticking time bomb and everyone had given up hope preparing themselves for the day they would get the call I was no longer alive. I had doctors and therapists tell me I would have to be on medications for the rest of my life. I was diagnosed with bipolar depression.
A Remembering. Another Near Death Experience.
In 2017 in a highly emotionally triggered state I asked some strangers to get me high one last time. I took a hit and I began seizing out. This time I was ejected out of my body and merged with the brilliance of source the one.
I had become everything. There was so much love and radiance the amount of love that I had never experienced in this reality. True deep peace, compassion, freedom from judgement, and freedom from form. As I merged with the divine bliss penetrating my essence I forgot who I even was . Then I saw the woman Patricia on the ground surrounded by paramedics . All I had was love and compassion for this beautiful being. Yet there was something so grand separating me from the Patricia lying on the ground being carried into an ambulance. There was no time in this pure space I was in . Only radiant love and light. The last thing I remember was being told I won’t have to suffer anymore, I must go back I’m not done yet. I woke up in a hospital bed as Patricia 9 hours later. How could that be? It felt like only a few minutes had gone by. The place I was in had no time.
Transcended Addiction
My near death experience changed me. Seeing the brilliance of this reality changed the way I perceived life and this reality. I no longer looked through a lens of victimhood and suffering but saw life as a gift. Everything was brighter more vibrant . Something spectacular happened, I was connected to my higher self. I could feel and sense my life force in and around me. I was able to tap into this divine intelligence whenever I wanted . I found the best way to access the peace, stillness, and divine love is in a state of mediation. For someone who could not sit still for 10 minutes without needing a distraction or something to sedate me I enjoyed being in my body . I started mediating for hours and hours at a time.
I had a lot of unprocessed trauma to feel and I was ready to face it and face myself. I began learning different healing modalities and began my self help journey. I stopped putting myself in situations that would harm me. Now that I was connected to my life force I wanted to do everything that would sustain this connection.
Mediation healed my mind, body, spirit. I was 6 months off opiates when I went to Vipassana the oldest buddhist mediation practice. A 10 day silent mediation retreat. I was able to get off all the medications after 6 months of mediating every day . With my higher self I healed the neurotransmitters in my brain and the serotonin and dopamine levels were balanced for the first time in my whole life.
Even though it looked like substances was my addiction that was only my solution to an even deeper rooted problem.
The disconnection from spirit.
I don’t like to use labels but I had some deeply ingrained codependent patterns and love addictive patterns. I depended on someone outside of me to fulfill and complete me. I used to jump from relationship to relationship and each time the relationship would end in drama.
My near death experience cultivated my connection to an unseeable source. I was connected to everything and my inner state had never felt so good. I decided to do the work to heal my inner child and study my relationship patterns. During this time I walked out of a toxic, emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. Once I found the strength to walk away and take my power back, I realized I owed it to myself to stop seeking validation from men.
I spent many nights holding my heart and crying , feeling my sadness, feeling my anger, feeling my yearning to reach for my phone and text someone for attention. I let myself feel it all in a loving space. I was reparenting myself. During this 6 months I decided not to date, I got off social media , and disconnected myself from unhealthy friendships, and implemented boundaries with family members. I owed it to myself to heal, love and nurture myself. I had to own my part and take self responsibility. I had a core abandonment wound and until I was willing to feel the emptiness inside of me I would continue to attract the same men over and over, but with a different face.
I owed it to myself to discover who I was without reaching for other people to complete me. It was one of the most exciting beautiful times in my life to rediscover who I was without putting substances in my body. Also an end to inviting in dramatic relationships into my life.
Frequency Work
In 2018 I discovered frequency work. A new technology and healing modality. Frequency work shifted and elevated my consciousness faster than any self help modality on my journey. I worked with masters who learned how to clear unconscious patterns that keep us stuck. I discovered how to clear my own distortions patterns by connecting with the core of the earth frequencies and connecting with mediation masterminds.
In these masterminds I began to understand the mechanics of space and time and how to be a master of your reality.
I was able to remove patterns of addiction, abuse, codependency, unhealthy family patterns, patterns of lack and sacrifice and collective conditioning . It is still and on going process deprogramming myself and will continue to be a life long process. I found this modality transformed my life exponentially.
Freedom From Suffering
I see myself clearly today and I am connected to my higherself. I am internally full and abundant. I realized my external reality was a mirror reflection of my internal state. My internal well being. When I felt spherically abundant and whole internally, I began attracting healthy vibrant relationships into my life. New possibilities and opportunities came pouring in . This well of self love, confidence, empowerment, and inner peace became my natural state. I realized once I cleared enough of my own distortion patterns and became aware of them everything I had been seeking for externally had always been inside of me. I just needed to remove everything that was not true and not congruent with my true nature.
If miracles are possible for me they are possible for each one of us.
We need to reconnect with our highest self and remove everything that we are not to live radical abundant lives.
I began to notice when I live in a state of internal fulfillment and abundance I attract others who vibrate on my wave length. Brilliance, magic, and synchronicity came pouring into my life.
Self Love and Working with Others
All I have ever wanted was freedom. I was able to free myself from the bondage of addiction and transcend unhealthy self abuse and low self worth patterns.
Daily meditation moved me into higher dimensions and frequency.
I have discovered as I continue to raise my frequency and transcend unconscious patterns I naturally have a healing effect on others.
Today I hold a nurturing and loving space for women and men to discover the patterns keeping them stuck. I hold a space for you to connect with your higher self in meditation and coaching. Once connected to your higher self new possibilities, inner peace, magic, self love, empowerment, wonder and awe attract into your life.
I have discovered the foundation of everything is self love. Learning to nourish it daily and cultivate it.
We all have natural healing abilities we only have to remove what is keeping us blocked from discovering our truest potential and manifesting vibrant healthy relationships into our lives.
